This weeks problem has become all too familiar to me in recent weeks but I’m surely not the only person in the world who can learn from it.
Picture the scene, you’re in the middle of bowling a long and accurate spell, you’ve taken your one wicket for the day and the runs have dried up. People in your own team are beginning to nod off, the sun is
shining and the larks are a singing. All of a sudden out of the blue a perfectly respectable ball on around off stump is dispatched way over your head into a corn field. It’s important I feel to note here that the following may be substituted for a corn field; a pavilion, a cow field, a road, a tree, or a ditch. It’s also important to realise that the ball can actually have gone anywhere in the arc from mid off to backward square leg.
Now, I’ve been working on it hard but I haven’t yet invented my time machine, and unless you have you’ve got to accept what has just happened. What’s important though is how your react. Now I know what you’re thinking, bowl a stump shattering yorker or a devilish slower ball, but anyone can do that. What’s really vital is how you react in the time between the ball being sent into orbit and you bowling your next ball.
Now as seems to be the trend in this fine blog there are a number of options each with their own unique advantages and disadvantages for you to weigh up. It’s said that an awful lot of this fine game is played in the mind and this is never more the case than when you’ve just been smashed out the park. Here are 6 of the best for you to bear in mind if you ever suffer from this misfortune.
1, As your team call for a search party to search the entirety of the field return to the crease and mark out your run again. This option is definitely enhanced by the presence of a bowling marker for you to lift
and replace as without it you’re likely to end up just scratching over the same mark as you measured out at the start of your spell. If you’ve been hit a particularly long way then a handy tape measure placed by the boundary could prove useful here.
2, Indulge in some sledging, eg – ‘Call yourself a batsman mate, Will Clarke hit me further than that last week’. This will achieve two things, firstly you will feel better and secondly the batsman if he’s of weak will could become irate. This is likely to result in him attempting to launch you at least twice the distance next ball. He may even succeed. Be warned though that if he does you better have an extremely good sledge lined up. ‘Only got one shot then eh?’ doesn’t really cut it at this point, especially if you the poor bowler has only got one ball.
3. As the ball flies through the air narrowly missing a couple of soviet satellites collapse into a heap and hold your leg. Go through some elaborate stretching exercises and maybe even attempt to start your run up for the next ball. Pull up again and limp gingerly off the field. Persuade the 12th man to take your place if he exists. If not your injury is obviously serious enough to render you useless and go off anyway. Pull a pew up and watch the carnage unfold as the batsman you played into form unleashes all manner of shots against your replacement. If however your replacement takes a stack of wickets at this point it’s time to contemplate retirement – due to your serious injury naturally.
4, As the ball climbs high in the air and everyone in the ground is watching it sail long into the distance nip past the batsman and surreptitiously knock a bail off. Whilst everybody is marvelling at the grandeur of the stroke appeal for hit wicket.
5, If sawdust is present apply some to your foot marks. If sawdust is not present and it’s even the tiniest bit damp make a big commotion of asking for some. If it’s as dry as a bone and the only reason you might ask for sawdust is because your looking to blame something other than your lack of competence then scratch hard with your boots at the front line for at least 30 seconds. This will make it clear that the only thing that prevented you bowling the ball of the century was your slightly suspect footing.
6, This option takes guts and shows you’re not embarrassed by the fate that has just befallen you. Simply run over and join the search party. It’s very very rare that a bowler does this and it may even convince your fellow searchers that it can’t possibly have been you that was bowling. If the search lasts long enough you may even be able to take a position at say short third man and the world may never find out it was you.
So there are 6 options. In an extremely unfortunate over you might have to use all 6 of those. If you have used all 6 however don’t worry about needing anymore because there’s just a slight probability that it might be your last over.
Happy Bowling,
Onefa
