Okay, I’ll be honest, there are many others vastly more qualified than me to teach you about how to play certain shots and how to build an innings, so I thought I’d focus on an area in which I’m a relative
expert and in which I think we could all learn a thing or two. This is the art of ‘getting out’.
Now obviously the less seasoned and intelligent amongst you may think that the whole idea of batting is to avoid getting out. However unless your name is Tom Fulk the vast majority of your innings will end with a dismissal. The key to this vital area is that there are certain ways of getting out which are acceptable and make you look more like a batsman and certain ways which make you look rather more foolish.
In fact sometimes if you’re playing a particularly scratchy innings getting out in a dignified manner can make you seem like a much better player than hanging around to score 3 not out in 43 days.
Here I’m going to take you through the top 5 ways of getting out in the manner befitting a great player, in next weeks edition I will take a glance at methods that are best left to the ferrets (ferrets obviously
coming in after rabbits)
Top 5 dignified dismissals
1. Cajole the bowler into bowling you a perfect outswinger that pitches on leg stump yet hits the top of off. Play a textbook forward defensive just inside the line of the ball and turn around with a startled look on your face when you hear the ‘death rattle’. You’ve just been bowled a jaffa, nobody can grumble as you wander back to the pavillion.
2. Ensure the batsmen at the other end is a quality player with a liking for a straight drive. Goad the bowler into bowling a half volley on around middle and off stump to him. Now make sure you back up in an
exaggerated fashion. As the ball comes flying back straight and clips the bowlers finger tips before crashing into the stumps peform a full length dive which sadly lands inches short of regaining your ground.
You may be out but you’re a hero twice over, not only did you give a masterclass in backing up but you also showed supreme athletisism in attempting to remain at the crease – or preferably just behind it.
3 This method relies upon you being a supreme judge of line, you have to be verging on the great to rely upon being able to get out in this way. You need a reasonably brisk bowler on a pitch with good carry to be sure of success here – it’s such a tricky manouvre that it can take all day to pull off, you certainly don’t want to have to think about another way of getting out if it doesn’t quite carry. Wait for any ball
on a good length just outside off-stump. Play 2.125 inches inside the line of the ball. As you are no doubt aware a cricket bat is 4 and a quarter inches wide so this should result in the thinnest of thin edges. A sharp take by the keeper and off you trot. There are a few advantages using this method, firstly in attempting it you will play and miss at least 8 times, this will give the impression that it is a very good bowler you are facing, secondly given the fact it is a good bowler you were facing you can claim ‘I must have been playing well to get a touch’. Ergo your reputation is enhanced.
4 Whilst facing the oppositions mystery spinner deduce what way he is attempting to spin the ball. It’s not important here whether the ball is turning or not, its simply important you work out which way it would
be turning if it was. Next time he bowls a straight one subtly play down the wrong line as if the ball turned the opposite way to the one he usually bowls (still following the genius of this here?). You may be
out bowled to their mystery spinner but it was definitly through sheer bad luck that he produced his only straight ‘doosra’ whilst you were batting. Who can blame you for that?
NOTE – this beautiful trick will only work if it’s not one of your team umpiring. If one of your team is umpiring you’re just an incompetent fool who played down the wrong line, be very careful!
5 Another one which relies on having a good batting partner at the other end and more importantly you being the weak link in said partnership, percieved or otherwise. All you need to do is initiate some mayhem in running between the wickets, a fairly simple way to do this is to call any combination of yes, no, and wait in a random or pseudorandom order. Just as it looks like your illustrious partner is
about to bite the dust you can dash past him and sacrafice yourself. Whilst this may gain you the reputation of being a suspect runner it will at least prove to everyone what a team player you are.
Hopefully you’ll be able to remember at least one of those the next time you are in the middle and feeling a bit out of form,
Happy Batting,
Onefa
